It is October 29, 1996 and Jonathan is 17

I used to have a strong desire
to confront,
to face,
to standup
to speak out against…
Then something changed
It changed without my knowing,
it changed without even bothering
to stop and ask me first.
I changed
without my knowing, yet somehow
by my doing,
I changed

I run
I run to a Utopia
A Utopia not created by me,
but one for which I am
truly thankful.
I run to this Utopia
to be alone,
to be free,
to be open,
to be able to openly express myself,
to be completely connected and whold with life.
I have run to this Utopia, and
it has cared for me,
but because I have run, I have
been followed.
-I have tried to outrun my pursuer,
but because I have tried to run faster,
the pursuer has turned
into the monster in a nightmare.
Pursuing me through a forest this monster is
Knocking down trees and destroying all in its path-
I have hidden in the Utopia
because I no longer act on the desire to stand up
and speak out against.

What happens when this monster finds me hiding?
I won’t wake up.
Will I be able to save this Utopia that means so much?

Why did I start running in the first place?
I wish I hadn’t.