As You Go About Your Returns
by Jonathan Kraft

Expectations and entitlement
Is this the new America today?
Customers gave someone the wrong request
but expect a fix and expect it right away.

The customer is definitely right…
Except when the customer’s not.
Customers often make mistakes too
but expect the business to accept the lot

of their mistakes, or they’ll complain
to the BBB and the FCC.
Because after all, we’re American, and
it’s our right to think “all is for me”.

And not just on television, no…
We need it delivered right on the spot
We need it in hot pink, no – lime green.
31 flavors? Is that all they’ve got?

And we feel strangely empowered,
by our ability to social-complain…
To whine and gripe very publicly
so that others will feel our pain.

You want help from an American
When you call in on the phone.
But to wait for three minutes, 15 seconds…
Oh, you’ll hem and haw and moan.

Today you’re busy, and you need help.
Less than immediate, you just can’t allow.
You don’t know quite just what you want,
but someone should solve this for you somehow…
AND they better fix it right now.

I’ve worked in customer service
In three countries (up to this point)
So many people are amazing, but
three grumpy Amis in a day disappoint…

They give me serious cause for alarm.
Just take some personal responsibility!
If you mess up, ordering the wrong thing,
then others can help you more amicably.

if you will stop acting so put out.
Many expect everything for spare change.
Many want it made here in America,
but want to pay chump change… that’s strange.

Regardless…

I’m a customer service representative.
I’m here to help you resolve your case.
I may not get you exactly what you want.
Whoa! Seriously? You’re threatening me with mace?

Don’t yell at me for something you caused.
I will work to help get this resolved.
But please grow up a little bit…
and communicate in a way more evolved.

I’m working in American customer service,
and I am having a rough day too.
Give a smile, be polite, and honest,
and I’ll be more likely to be able to help you.